Many women end up getting into bad relationships because they don’t take the time to get to know the man they’re interested in by asking the right questions. Spending time with someone doesn’t mean you know who they really are.
People will only share what they want you to know, which can end up in a dangerous situation if you or your potential mate don’t know how to ask good questions.
I always suggest getting to know someone as a friend in a Christian community before displaying any romantic interest. The advice in this article is based on this Christian community scenario as it evolves into something more serious such as courting for marriage, not as in dating multiple men with romantic intentions to see which one you like.
What is the best way to really get to know a man? There are many ways to get to know someone such as finding out what they like to do in their spare time, what sports they’re interested in, what common hobbies you share and so on. These things are good, but they merely scratch the surface of someone’s personality and their character. You want to dig much deeper if you’re considering spending a lifetime with someone.
How do you get more information? You want to get to know this man on a level that matters for a potential marriage partner so there are things you’ll need to look at and find out about him that aren't just social pleasantries. It’s time to pull out your detective hat now because this is your life we’re talking about ladies!
First things first, you’ll want to spend time with him around his mom and sisters. Extensive time, if possible and watch how he treats them on his good and bad days. Find out what they do to trigger him, watch how he treats and interacts with them. 9 times out of 10 it’ll be the same way he’ll treat you after you’re married. Pay attention to body language cues when he’s around them, not just what’s being said and watch how they respond to him. This can tell you so much about a man and you’ll learn more the deeper you get into the relationship and continue to be around them. Don’t wait for these ladies to share information about him, ask them questions, like how he was growing up, etc. they would love to share these types of things with you as the new girlfriend or potential woman of interest.
Spend one on one time with his mom and sisters. Yes, without him. You’re going to need this more than you realize after you get married because they will share a lot of information about how he was growing up and how he were raised, which will give you a lot of insight into some of his core character and personality traits that you’ll have to deal with for the rest of your life.
"You are within your right to decide if you want nothing to do with this man."
Don’t feel obligated because you are not married yet. It’s best to get out if you see red flags before you get married because it’ll be much worse and harder to get away if you marry into a bad situation.
Spend time around both of his parents if his Dad is in the picture. You want to watch how his Dad treats his mom. These can be key indicators on how he might treat you at times. Learn how his Dad treated him growing up, find out how he was disciplined and how the Dad treated the entire family as the head of the household. You can extract a lot from these inquiries and by all means, discuss it with him privately to get his perspective on his childhood so you can learn more about him.
Hang around him with his closest friends and watch how his friends act. He’s likely very similar to his friends in some way. Birds of a feather flock together. If his friends are unsaved, beer drinking, cigar smoking womanizers, you have to ask yourself, why is he friends with these types of people? Is he like that? Was he like that? Is this who he’ll be hanging out with after you’re married? Will you have to worry about him every time he goes out?
You deserve to know this information if you plan to be his wife one day, so open your mouth and ask. Remember, if he thinks he’s being the only Christian influence in these men’s lives,, the bible says, "Bad company corrupts good character," 1 Corinthians 15:33. Who’s influencing who?
Finally, meet and marry your husband God's way. Marriage preparation and Godly relationship advice for Christian women. Order the book here: Irresistible: The Ultimate Guide to Marriage Preparation.
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