Are you noticing that you’re being outbid for marriage? You’re seeing women you know getting married that you never would’ve expected to get married before you.
You just knew you would be married before these ladies. Maybe they’re younger than you, less spiritually mature than you or you just think you look better than them so you figured it should’ve been you.
Let’s examine the situation shall we? First of all, if you’re a mature Christian woman, that's not necessarily a feather in your cap that will automatically put you in front of the line for marriage. It’s definitely not a bad thing, but what I’m saying is that men are looking for so much more than a woman who can seemingly be their “spiritual leader.”
Men are looking for a teachable, humble and submissive woman who will allow them to be a spiritual leader to her. Not the type of woman who is going to come into a marriage and try to “teach him something” in a domineering way, that is a huge turn off.
Should you be spiritually mature? Absolutely. Should you wear it like a badge on your chest and try to control and dictate to others how they should act, what they should do, how wrong they are and how much biblical knowledge they don’t have? Absolutely not. If you act like this, men will stay away from you in droves. That could be one reason you’re being outbid for marriage.
So, you think you’re more attractive than these women who are outbidding you? Are you really? What is attractiveness anyways? Many women make the mistake of thinking that being attractive is how your face looks with makeup on and wearing your best outfit. Men are smarter than this. They want your face to look just as good with no makeup on, so when he turns over every morning in the bed and sees your bare face, he’s still attracted to it.
In addition, men know that your beautiful outfit can easily cover up your physical flaws. If you have a large midsection, it can be easily camouflaged with loose clothing or a corset. Christian men aren’t interested in fake, camouflaged, overly done women who look like a different person when they go to bed. It’s just not cute.
This is something you have to think about. You might think you look great all done up, but the woman outbidding you might look better to men when she’s not all done up; that’s important to a man. In addition, she may not have to wear camouflage clothing to cover up an out of shape figure, she already has one that’s tight and toned.
Men pay attention to these types of things and the body is extremely important to them because they’re thinking about sex when they want to get married. Who is going to satisfy their sex drive the best based on how their body looks for his entire lifetime? He only gets to pick one woman. Are you seeing how important this is? This also helps to safeguard your marriage against infidelity when the man is sexually attracted to your body.
Let’s look at another aspect of these women who are outbidding you. How do they act? Think about what type of personality they have. Are they kind, respectful, humble, submissive, sweet and pleasant to be around? If they are, what about you? You have to examine yourself. Would most people closest to you say that you exhibit these traits as a core part of your personality?
If you don’t know, ask somebody. Get several people’s opinions that will be brutally honest with you because you really need to know how you’re being perceived by others and why. If there are several people who perceive you in a negative light, men are also perceiving you in this way and this could be another reason why you are being outbid for marriage.
I had a female co-worker who was getting up in age around forty and unmarried. She was cute, well established, pleasant, a Christian and very well dressed. She was also frustrated and really wanted to meet her husband. One day she asked a male co-worker how he perceived her. He was honest and said, “You look expensive.”
She was shocked to find out this was how men were perceiving her. They may have been “looking at her” but they were walking right past her. Men didn’t want to have to keep up with that type of perceived expensive, high maintenance lifestyle if they were to marry her. It didn’t fit in with who they were, so they admired her and kept walking. She even moved across the country to try and possibly meet her husband and “start over” but to this day I have no idea if she ever got married.
Some of you might be thinking, “If she marries rich then she won’t have to worry about that." Easier said than done. The male co-worker who was giving her his perspective was a middle class college educated man so he was far from broke. Now, if her “looking expensive” was the reason why men have been passing her by for marriage all of these years and she disregarded a male perspective that she asked for, and she’s still single, who does she have to blame?
Some of you might be thinking, “Is she supposed to look cheap now instead of expensive to attract men?” Not exactly. Women know how to tone down or tone up their look. It could be something as simple as changing the jewelry she wears with a specific outfit and she would look just as nice, but men would perceive her differently. The point of the story is, if someone gives you the advice you’re asking for, you would be wise to take it. If I was in your shoes, I would ask a male opinion more so than a female, because his perception will likely be the type of feedback you’ll need.
You also want to consider this, how are these women meeting their husbands who are outbidding you? Find out. If they’re Christian, you’ll often find they met through a Christian community, mutual friends or family. If you find out they met online, just run from that idea because these situations are the least likely to work out for marriage, statistically speaking.
Are you doing what they did to meet someone or are you sitting at home watching movies, waiting for a man to magically appear? What you’re not doing to meet someone could be another reason why you’re being outbid for marriage.
Another consideration is your age. Women dream about getting married in their twenties and never think they’ll get married past thirty and they’re often surprised, disappointed and frustrated if they do. Do men prefer younger women? It depends. It’s not always the age, but it’s how youthful the woman looks and how mature or immature she is regardless of her age.
My advice is that whatever age you are, look physically appealing and youthful but be mature in your mind and don’t act like a child. If you’re older, don’t dress old or act old. If you take heed to this, I believe your age won’t matter as much as you think and you can marry a man who’s either older or younger than you based on your preference and compatibility.
Many women don’t think about this, but how sexually pure are the women who are outbidding you? This is something you may never know, but if you have what the world calls a “high body count,” meaning you’ve had many sexual partners in your past, men definitely consider this when evaluating a woman for marriage. Even if the man has a high body count, he prefers the woman does not, if any count at all.
Men are dominant, they want to be the first and the best and if they have to compete with other men in the bedroom, they’re not interested. This is not to be condemning, this is the reality of how men think, saved and unsaved.
If you find that many of the women you know are getting married before you, these could be some of the reasons why. You really have to examine yourself and start making some changes to better position yourself for the right man to not just notice you, but want to marry you. Are you really marriage material? You might think so, but an honest male opinion could prove otherwise. Take advice, adjust accordingly and move forward.
Finally meet and marry the man God has for you. Marriage preparation and Godly relationship advice for Christian women. Order the book here: Irresistible: The Ultimate Guide to Marriage Preparation.
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