Care.

Have you ever cared deeply about something or someone?

For example, you may care greatly about getting a college degree so you put in the effort it takes to study hard and achieve it. Or, you may care about a family member so much that you enjoy doing things for them without being asked and it gives you pleasure. No one has to ask or remind you to do the associated actions that occur as a result of caring about these things. 

But, have you ever cared about something as much as another person cares about it? Probably not. It’s easier to care more about your personal interests than putting yourself in somebody else’s shoes to care about their interests and take action. Showing this level of empathy by actually putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is an extremely important skill that you need for a successful relationship whether you’re courting or married and it will also help with your friendships.

Being single is the perfect time to practice the skill of empathy and caring at a deeper level with the people around you to help prepare yourself for your future husband. Having a lack of care and empathy in a relationship can literally destroy it. What if you had the most important thing occur in your life and you went to explain it to your boyfriend with excitement but you could tell he didn’t care and even changed the subject? I can almost guarantee that would be your last date and you would think of him completely differently after that.

People are so self absorbed nowadays, they don’t have time to care about anybody else but themselves. This might work while you’re single, but it’ll never work in a relationship. This is something I have to bring to your attention so you can work on this now if you’re not naturally caring and empathetic towards other people and what they’re dealing with.  

You might be a caring and empathetic person in general, for example when you see something sad in a movie it makes you cry or if you see an injustice done to someone it makes you mad. Based on things like this, you may think you’re a caring, empathetic person. I’ll be the first to tell you, it’s not the same when you’re in a relationship. Let me explain.  

When you’re trying to make new friends, you take a great interest in them by learning as much as you can to find out things you have in common. You show greater attention to the things they’re interested in and may even try some new things out yourself. When you all become really good friends over time, you get more comfortable, feel less pressure to perform and get more relaxed with them. When you reach a certain level of comfort with someone, sometimes this can cause people to not care as much with what that person truly cares about.  

This could be considered ‘normal’ human behavior by some as they would say the ‘newness wears off,’ but it’s not acceptable behavior in a relationship and could cause some serious problems. As women, we have to be on guard against this because the enemy often tries to attack women to stir up a problem, just like he did with Eve in the garden. 

Let’s look at this from a different angle. What if someone has a problem with you and what you’re doing or not doing? What is your response to them? Do you even care? It’s easy to not care when you’re single and walk away because it’s bothering them and not you. But how many women have the fortitude to address someone else’s issue they have with you head on and make the associated changes required to fix the problem? Depending on who the person is to you, may determine your response. 

Let me be clear, I’m not saying to be a people pleaser and bow down to everyone’s wishes or requests to prove you care and are practicing for marriage. Look at the situation within reason and determine, is this really an area I need to consider working on or changing about myself to improve as a human being, or is this person being controlling and unreasonable? 

One of the best ways to care about someone else and their concerns is to deeply care about yourself in every area, no matter how small. I believe this mentality will help you to show this type of care towards others more consistently. Why? People are not motivated to do anything for themselves or others unless they care. They have to not only care about the other person, but they have to care about that person’s concerns and what gives them joy.

Relationships are self-sacrificial and the more you understand this and attempt to care about other people and address their concerns as a single woman, the more you are helping yourself to prepare for your future husband.

Finally meet and marry the man God has for you. Marriage preparation and Godly relationship advice for Christian women. Order the book here: Irresistible: The Ultimate Guide to Marriage Preparation.

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