Marriage is Different

When you hear the phrase “Marriage is different” what is the first thing that comes to mind? Most people would probably think of the contrast between single and married life, but that’s not what this article is about. We are going down a different path so I can show you how marriage may be different than what you expected.

It’s very common for single women to think about their purpose in Christ and consider how their future husband will line up or compliment that purpose. Maybe he’ll be a pastor of a church and you’ll be a first lady, or maybe he loves to volunteer and minister the gospel and you could play an active role in working alongside him. You can envision how you all might be a Christian power couple ministering the gospel like others you’ve seen on social media. #relationshipgoals

This idea usually causes women to focus on becoming mature Christians, maybe taking bible courses, praying for extended periods of time or ministering to people in some way so they can become a spiritually mature woman of God, and even leverage that maturity to attract a real man of God. 

This is all good, don’t stop doing this because you’ll need all the spiritual maturity you can get after being married.

But, I do need to inject a little dose of reality and let you know that while a Christian man does want a Christian woman, most men are looking for a wife and not a ministry partner. 

Your spiritual maturity attracts respect and admiration from other Christian men, but it won’t necessarily be the catalyst to attract your future husband. Granted, it can definitely play a part, but you don’t want to just be known as the mature Christian woman amongst the Christian male community, which can also be seen as the “not sexy future wife material,” depending on how you carry yourself.

What attracts your husband? The beautiful, sexy body and gorgeous face the Lord blessed you with and the way you put yourself together on any given day with your cute outfit, shoes, sophisticated hairdo and appropriate use of makeup. It’s like an interview, this gets you in the door romantically to grab a man’s attention. Ask any man you know and he’ll always be drawn to the best looking woman before he knows anything about her. 

A quote from a well-known pastor of when he first saw his future wife, he thought, "If she’s not saved, she’s about to be.” He was so captivated by her beauty, he would have taken her as his wife whether she was a baby Christian or a mature Christian, just as long as he could have her. That is how powerful your external beauty is to a man who is looking for a wife.

Let’s be honest. Men get married to have sex, not to have a ministry partner. While that would be a bonus, sex comes first. They can have a male friend be their ministry partner, it doesn’t have to be their wife. When it comes to a man’s wife, she better look good, be sexy, appealing and attractive to him, so when he is married, he has less temptation from the world and he can fully immerse himself into the marital relationship.

Many single women have ideas in their head of what marriage will be like. For example, “My husband and I will travel the world and minister the gospel in different countries or we’ll start a ministry together and help people, etc.” While all of this may happen, please be aware that the man is looking at you first and foremost thinking, “let’s take time to handle our marital business,” if you know what I mean. 

Marriage is different from what you may have expected if you’ve thought of it as being some type of ministerial partnership, then you could be disappointed if it doesn't turn out that way. He’s not marrying you to do ministry, he’s marrying you to do something else…have sex, and of course enjoy you in other ways. If he thinks he’s marrying you for ministry, ask him to choose one, ministry or sex, trust me he will choose the latter. Marriages wouldn’t work without it.

As a single woman, you have a responsibility if you want to get married. Always make sure you look physically attractive and well put together. Whatever you’re doing now, learn to do it even better. As I look back on when I was single, I was not putting it together like I should have. I had my moments, but there was so much more I could’ve done on a regular basis to look more appealing. I thought I was at the max of how I could look but I wasn’t, and I didn’t take a huge interest in enhancing my femininity in every way possible. I could have easily been overlooked for not putting myself together well, but thank God I put the right outfit on on the right day!

There is always more you can do. If your hair looks good, upgrade and try getting a professional cut or style. If you never wear lipstick or eyeliner, upgrade, buy some and learn how to put it on. If you wear glasses all the time, upgrade and try contacts so people can see your beautiful eyes. If you have cute outfits you like, upgrade and look on Pinterest or YouTube on how attractive women are putting their outfits together and change your wardrobe. What you find attractive is not always what men find attractive. 

If you’d like some tips on dressing tastefully sexy and being more appealing check out my video: Why You're Overlooked by Christian Men

Finally meet and marry the man God has for you. Marriage preparation and Godly relationship advice for Christian women. Order the book here: Irresistible: The Ultimate Guide to Marriage Preparation.

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