Should you reveal your past to your future spouse? 100% YES!!! Whatever you do, DO NOT wait until after you’re married to reveal your past to your future husband. It could be the worst thing you ever do to him and it could be the end of your marriage, depending on what your past consists of.
When should you reveal your past to your future husband? Before you begin seriously courting, during the friendship building phase, when you both know you have a romantic interest in each other and it’s going somewhere. In other words, as early as possible!
Now, some of you are probably thinking, “God has forgiven me from my past. I don't need to go and rehash it and give him any details about what I’ve done with other men.” Oh yes you do, as much as he’s interested in knowing, you should be willing to share. As a matter of fact, over share! Your future husband is not God, he’s human. Humans have different requirements and expectations when it comes to relationships.
At some point in your marriage, your past will absolutely come up and it’s better to lay it all bare in the early stages before marriage so there are no surprises. If your prospective future husband is not very interested to hear much about your past or says, “God has forgiven you, so have I let’s not talk about it, etc.”
Be very leery of this, because if he doesn’t want to talk about your past, 9 times out of 10 he doesn’t plan on talking about his either. This is usually an indication that a man has an extensive sexual history he’s bringing into the marriage, so much so, he doesn’t even want you to know about it.
I understand it can be embarrassing and even humiliating to talk about your past, but you don’t want to be so grateful that the man has let you off the hook, so in turn you let him off the hook and no one’s past ever gets revealed in the relationship. If he “lets you off the hook”, this is where you need to dig.
This man could have had sexual relationships or even one night stands with women who’ve had STDs, now he’s bringing that to your doorstep in a future marriage and putting you at risk.
You’d rather be embarrassed and uncomfortable discussing your pasts, than being at risk of something like this and allowing yourself to remain ignorant of his past. People’s pasts can have life altering consequences for the other party and neither of you want to be misinformed or in the dark about it.
Why don’t women want to share their past? It’s because they’re afraid the man will leave them for what they’ve done with other men. It’s that simple. Listen up ladies, it’s better to get left by someone you’re dating than by your husband and have to go through a divorce.
I know many of you are ready to get it done and just be married already, but being deceptive and withholding information from your soon to be husband about your past is not the way to get this thing done. If you do this, it may very well be the worst thing you ever do to your relationship and cause it to end forever. You’ll regret it dearly and pay the price that comes along with it.
Unfortunately, many women were not raised in a strong Christian household that taught the disciplines of sexual morality at an early age. This has caused many women to go wayward and do things with men prematurely outside of the marriage bed that they shouldn’t have.
When they get saved or get some sense, they want to get married but have accumulated emotional and/or sexual baggage or a high “body count” of the men they’ve been with. This can create a problem.
The most sexually promiscuous of men will have a problem if his woman has done vile things with other men. Why? Men are inherently territorial of their women, saved and unsaved alike. They have trigger points and something they hear about your past could set them off.
This is another reason why you want to get your dirt on the table BEFORE getting married and BEFORE too many deep feelings are involved so the man knows what he’s dealing with. If you wait until after you’re married, you could be putting yourself in a very dangerous situation.
I know some women may not agree with sharing their past with their future husband before marriage, but this one scripture will let you know that regardless if you decide to share it, it will be revealed, even if it’s not by you.
“For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.”
-Luke 8:17
Finally meet and marry the man God has for you. Marriage preparation and Godly relationship advice for Christian women. Order the book here: Irresistible: The Ultimate Guide to Marriage Preparation.
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