Are you technically a virgin? As in, you’ve never had sexual intercourse but you’ve done a host of other sexually related activities with men before? Rounding to third base, but never really hitting a home run?
You know what I’m talking about. This represents some women’s past and even their present. If this behavior doesn’t stop now, it can also represent your future, unmarried.
Men don’t respect technical virgins. To a man, a technical virgin is nothing but a tool he can use until he finds a woman who will let him hit a home run. So where does that leave you? Rounding the bases with the next man until you’re dropped like a bad habit, still dissatisfied and unmarried because you never got what you really wanted, a husband.
Don’t sell yourself short like this, you have to understand your worth and value, and respect yourself to where you set up hard boundaries. I can give you two boundaries right now, NEVER be alone with a man, even in public and don’t kiss until you’re married. Sounds tough doesn’t it? Some women need this level of discipline because they never gave it to themselves or they weren’t raised with it.
I implore you to be hard on yourself in this area if you’ve found that you are an active technical virgin. If you don’t do it, no one else will do it for you. These are just a few boundaries you can start with and yes, you CAN do it if you set your mind to it. Boundaries will help you weed out men that serve to only waste your time and not marry you.
Have your friends to hold you accountable if you struggle as a technical virgin so you won’t fail again. I don’t care if it’s been years since a failure, without serious boundaries, a technical virgin will continue to fail, given the opportunity. If you never tell anybody you need this level of help because of embarrassment or you want to save face in front of your Christian friends, then guess what?
Round and round you go, year after year with every new man you meet, from first to third base and no marriage. If you finally do meet your husband, you’ll have to tell him all the trash you’ve done. Everything done in darkness comes to the light, Luke 8:17. It will come out at some point.
YOU have to put a stop to the technical virgin mentality and behaviors. Just because you don’t have sexual intercourse, doesn’t mean you’re safe or will be mentally ok and not heartbroken, and you’re still sinning before God so you should repent.
"I believe active technical virgins can have marriage delayed for them until they can show some self control."
You are still giving of yourself to a man who is NOT your husband and even if he ends up being your husband you’re ruining the gift God wants you to have in holy matrimony.
You need to show yourself some tough love. Let’s start there, because if you can’t show yourself some tough love, you might not even love yourself. I want you to look in the mirror and ask yourself these questions, this will make it more real to you. Do you love yourself? Do you think you’re beautiful? Selah (means to pause and think about that).
This could be what is at the root of the technical virgin mentality, a lack of self love. They’re trying to find love, which is what they really want, in every new man that comes their way and they’re trying to fabricate something deeper that God created to be with only one person using their inappropriate behavior.
Let me just say, you have to learn how to love yourself before you can love anybody else in a marriage, that is fundamental. You can’t give what you don’t have, so the behavior patterns of a technical virgin is often a cry for help, love, passion and at its deepest level, a cry for your husband which you do not have and it hurts. It’s also something the devil will try to use against you to delay the arrival of your future husband, so you have to stop it in its tracks.
God has not forgotten about you, if a man can’t handle the new standards and boundaries you are setting for yourself as soon as you finish reading this blog, he needs to go. Why? He is not your husband because he doesn’t respect or love you. It’s really that simple. It makes it easier for you to weed out the trash and make room for the real thing because he’s coming!
The bottom line is, repent. Ask God to forgive your behavior and like Jesus told the adulterous woman in John 8:11 “Go and sin no more” and wait, because the real thing is on his way. Don’t let other men distract you or take your focus off of what you really desire, a husband.
“He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”
-John 8:7
…Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on do not sin any longer.”
-John 8:10-11
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