I want to share with you a real life scenario that occurred between my husband and I that single women aren’t often privy to. Married people don’t always share or understand how valuable little things like this could be to their single friends and how it could benefit them for their future marriages.
With my husband’s permission, I’m sharing this little story with you because as a wife, I know how critically important seemingly small things like this will be in your marriage and you need to know how to handle these types of scenarios.
First of all, I have to start off by saying that I am a sweet potato master. I make the best sweet potatoes on this side of the planet. Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but you can understand how much pride I take in this particular dish. I’m always asked to make it for the family during the holidays, years before I was married and I absolutely love it. When it’s not Christmas or Thanksgiving, I still like to make it for dinner sometimes but I’ll make a healthier version that’s not nearly as sweet.
One evening I was making my toned down version of sweet potatoes. I like them partially mashed with some clumps still in them. I usually start by cutting them into quarters and then boiling them. If you’ve ever made sweet potatoes you know how difficult they can be to cut when they’re raw, but cutting them speeds up the boiling time.
My husband sees the difficulty in my attempt to chop these huge potatoes in half and even attempts to cut them for me, then he says to just throw them in the pot whole and boil them. At first I hesitated because this will make my ‘quick dinner’ idea take twice as long and it’s not how I normally make my sweet potatoes. But I oblige and just throw them in the pot because I’m not making much progress on cutting them anyways.
After they’re boiled, I proceed to remove the skin and get ready to throw them back into the pot to mash them as I’ve always done for the past umpteen years I’ve been making this dish. Then my husband says, “Just throw them in the blender.” What? I started to feel the personal offense rise up…
"Throw them in the blender? Do you know how long I’ve been making this dish? Do you not know that I’m an expert at making sweet potatoes? That will ruin the texture, I like them thick with some clumps in them. I did not ask, nor do I need your help or advice in making this dish. I’m the one cooking, you’re not, let me do this my way, I know what I’m doing. You’re going to ruin my dish.”
In a split second these are the types of thoughts that were trying to run through my mind and manifest through my mouth. What did I end up doing? First, I quickly remembered that usually every time my husband tells me to do something and I don’t want to listen, his ideas would always work out for the best. Second, I remembered times when I did allow these types of rebutting thoughts to run through my mind and actually come out of my mouth and the arguments that would follow.
So, what did I do? I threw those sweet potatoes right into that blender and followed every instruction he gave me after that on how to blend them "properly" in the way he thought was best, without one rebuttal. I was quite proud of myself for not getting upset and just listening.
These little things, if handled improperly by the wife, are what turn into big things, arguments, anger, pride, resentment and so forth. If this same scenario happened early on in our marriage, right after he said to put the sweet potatoes in the blender, I likely would have rebutted immediately and caused an unnecessary argument over something as stupid as sweet potatoes. Why? Because I wanted my way, I knew better and nobody was going to tell me how to do what I’ve been doing for years before I met them, I was the expert on this topic. Are you getting this?
This little example is a form of submission in a marriage that has to be learned. A lack of submission can happen so quickly and easily by the woman just responding, “No, I’m doing it my way,” without even thinking.
What does this sound like to a man? “I don’t agree with what you’re telling me, I don’t respect your opinion in this area, I don’t think you know what’s best so I’m not going to listen to you. I think you’re wrong and I’m right. I don’t like you telling me what to do and I don’t like listening to you; therefore, I don’t respect YOU.” That’s the translation and trigger to a man that will cause an argument in an otherwise simple situation that could have been avoided.
Ladies, you have to get this. These types of things can be the difference between a lasting marriage and a divorce if they continue in the negative. Men have to feel respected, listened to and they want to feel like they know what’s best. This is every man, they are wired very simply and they are the same in this area. Ask any husband you know how he feels if his wife rejects his advice, with attitude.
A man does not want to feel disrespected or undervalued in any scenario whether he voices it or not. It’s almost worse if he doesn’t voice it because if things like this build up over time, he could either blow up in a terrible way or get fed up and leave you.
I hope you learned a principle from this story that you’ll never forget when you go into your own marriage. My response to my husband when I’m asked to do something wasn’t always this positive, it has taken me time to get this submission thing right. I always tell women to practice now with the men in their life. Your dad, brothers, uncles, etc. Think of how you respond to your male boss, you do what he says quickly with no questions asked, otherwise you’d get fired.
So, how did my sweet potatoes turn out? They were literally the texture of baby food! Not ideal, but they looked beautiful and they didn’t taste too bad after I seasoned them. The blender actually got rid of all those stringy things you find in sweet potatoes which was a surprising plus. We ate them, we were both happy and had leftovers with NO DRAMA.
Finally meet and marry the man God has for you. Marriage preparation and Godly relationship advice for Christian women. Order the book here: Irresistible: The Ultimate Guide to Marriage Preparation.
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