As a single woman, you’re used to being in control of your life. You make the decisions, decide where you want to go, what you want to do and when. Nobody tells you what you can and can’t do and you don’t have to ask anyone’s permission, you’re running things. This is normal for you right now, it’s called being single.
Many women have issues when they transition into marriage because they have been so used to running everything, from their life, to their household, their comings and goings without answering to anyone. This is where some married couples can bump heads in their marriage because the woman is used to being in control, and the man wants to be in control because he is called by God to be the head of the household.
There will be times in your courting relationship and especially your marriage when you want the man to do what you want him to do, when you want him to do it. Oftentimes men don’t say, “How high?” When a woman says, “Jump.” If he does, you’ll lose respect for him over time.
You can’t always have your way, welcome to married life. This is tough for women who are spoiled. No matter how long you’ve been autonomous things change quickly after entering holy matrimony. Everything is not on your time clock anymore, you have another person with you now and you have to learn how to be considerate in everything without causing an argument out of pure frustration.
When you’re single, it’s sweet and cute to think about having someone else to consider and submit to; until they trigger your pet peeve or catch you on your bad day. Then it turns into a whole different ball game. Think about the last time someone triggered you to the point of anger or extreme frustration and there was nothing you could do about it. Now times that by two and think about having to quickly switch and maintain a good attitude while it’s happening. That’s not easy, for anyone.
In a marriage, women and men have different strengths and weaknesses and like on a team, you have to leverage that at the proper time to accomplish what needs to be done. Women should not try to be controlling in a relationship and exude masculine energy, while men shouldn’t be weak and kowtow to the woman. This is not how God designed the marital relationship to work.
I think the most effective balance in a marriage is to have a team effort between husband and wife and think like a team player at all times. If you’ve ever played team sports, I think you’ll have somewhat of an advantage in marriage because you already have this mentality. You’re used to functioning on a team in real life in order to win and you know what's at stake if you don’t. Nobody goes rogue on a team, same thing in a marriage. At the end of day, the team has a coach they all have to listen to to make the final calls. Allow that to be your husband.
I say “allow” because some women will not let their man function in his God given role because they want to be dominant. If you’re mad because your man is not a leader it’s probably because you never give him the opportunity. You’re always trying to lead everything! Watch for this when you’re courting and be sure to practice letting the man lead. I think you’ll be amazed at the results and how you’ll be treated in the process.
Let’s be honest, some men just can’t lead well but at least you’ll know that when you’re courting if you give him the opportunity to try. Not everyone will lead like you, so give people a little grace. At least you’ll discover a man’s leadership style and how he might lead you when you get married and you can decide if this is something you want to sign up for for a lifetime.
Finally meet and marry the man God has for you. Marriage preparation and Godly relationship advice for Christian women. Order the book here: Irresistible: The Ultimate Guide to Marriage Preparation.
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