Are you aggressive enough? Maybe you’re aggressive when it comes to your job, sports activities, etc. but are you aggressive enough when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex?
You might be thinking, "I’m the woman, why should I be aggressive? The man is supposed to find me." Let me explain so you can put yourself in the best position to actually be found.
If you’re interested in a man, what do you do? Ignore him? Tell him? Pray and ask God to tell him? Hope he reads your mind and knows that you’re interested? Or, would this man come and go from your life and he would never know you were interested?
You can lose out on a good man if you’re not aggressive enough. What?! Yes, this may be a surprise to you but men like an aggressive woman that is not overbearing, if they like you. Even if they don’t like you, men appreciate the effort and attention. Think about it, what did Ruth do to Boaz? She boldly laid at his feet as a petition for marriage and if she never did that, Ruth never would have married Boaz. He appreciated what she had done, he knew who she was and admired her.
"If you’re waiting for your Boaz to find you, he may have already found you, but now he’s waiting on a sign from you to know it’s safe to approach you romantically without being rejected."
When I mention meeting your Boaz, I’m talking about meeting someone in a Christian community that you already know as a friend, not some random stranger on the street. This is where you can put this ‘aggressive’ behavior into practice and it’ll actually be effective in a safe and Godly manner.
How can you be more aggressive to let a man know you’re interested? First of all, you don’t want to be aggressive with men in general just to see if it works so you can get asked out on a date. You want to have known a specific man for a while as a good friend, have tested and proven who he is and have some type of inclination that he likes you, at least as a person. You also want to be genuinely interested in this man as marriage potential.
There are so many different ways to let a man know you’re interested. The way you look at him is one way, try having extended eye contact. When you shake his hand, remove it more slowly as if you don’t want to let it go. Compliment him on the way he looks or his outfit. Give him special attention that you don’t show to other men in the group. Make a special effort to be near him, save him a seat at an event. Buy him a gift for his birthday, preferably something you know he really likes. Remember something he has said and bring it up later, he’ll know you’ve been paying attention to him.
Don’t worry, he’ll catch on that you like him pretty quickly and if he’s interested in you, you just gave him an open invitation to approach you romantically. Be patient because he’s already your friend and you’ll be seeing him fairly often, this is the ideal setup you want to put yourself in.
What if he does nothing after you show your interest in obvious ways? There could be a few reasons for this behavior. First thing is that he’s just not romantically interested in you, he wants to keep it at a friend level and nothing more. Respect that and move on emotionally, but don’t be rude to him moving forward. You can’t force a chemistry with someone if it’s not mutual.
Second thing is he just may not be attracted to you. It doesn’t matter how pretty you think you are in your head, you are not going to float every man’s boat. Now this doesn’t mean that you’re ugly, you may just not be his taste in the romantic department and that’s ok because you also have a taste in men that you prefer and it doesn’t include everyone.
A third reason is that he may just want more time to watch you among friends. A decision on who to settle down with is serious and he may just want to make sure of who you are and how he feels about you without the romance part starting up too quickly. But, if you’re getting positive vibes that you feel are being consistently reciprocated after you show your interest in him, just give him some time because he probably does like you.
A fourth reason is that he might just be scared. Scared that he actually has found the one and his whole life is getting ready to change after he gives in to the romantic side.
Watch his responses to you so you know which scenario you’re dealing with. You might just have to flat out say something to him. That’s literally what I did to my husband. He was interested, but I felt he was dragging his feet a little too long before admitting he liked me, so I decided to be bold and speak up.
I give more details about this encounter with my husband and more before we were married in my book. It’ll definitely give you some encouragement in the aggressive department, especially if you know that I’m not naturally aggressive in the area of men, I’d rather a man just read my mind and approach me.
All of these ‘aggressive techniques’ to give a man a clue you’re interested in him so he can turn around and approach you are not things every woman is willing to do. Prideful women usually don’t want to do these things. Why? It requires humbling yourself and putting yourself in a position that may not be comfortable because it’s just easier to let the man do all the work and make you feel like the prize. If there is another woman among you that shows a man she’s interested, she’ll likely be the one to get the guy you’ve had your eye on and marry him.
"Don’t over spiritualize relationships, because you’ll learn it’s really not that complicated."
Men are visual, they like affirmation, they don’t like being rejected, they don’t like stuck up women and they want to feel comfortable around you. If you can provide that to a man, you’re well on your way to getting him to approach you romantically.
Watch this video to get advice directly from a male perspective about more things you can do to let a man know you’re interested.
Finally, meet and marry your husband God's way. Marriage preparation and Godly relationship advice for Christian women. Order the book here: Irresistible: The Ultimate Guide to Marriage Preparation.
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