“A man has joy by the answer of his mouth; And a word spoken in due season, how good is it!” -Proverbs 15:23
Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much? Or maybe they told you that you should be ‘quick to listen and slow to speak,’ which is why you have two ears and only one mouth!
Regardless, as women, sometimes we have a tendency to talk significantly more than men. For this reason, we have to be more thoughtful in what we say, how we say it and when we say it. In relationships and especially in a marriage, poor communication can cause major problems. When you’re in the courting stage, this rarely comes up because you and your significant other are just getting to know each other.
But, when you get married, the “answer of your mouth” and a “word spoken in due season” becomes paramount.
If your husband says something to you and your response or tone is disrespectful, belligerent or rebellious; you are in for some major arguments in your marriage. As the scripture above says, if you want to keep your joy, you’ll be mindful of how you respond. Proverbs 15:1 says “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
This not only applies to your future husband, but to all of your current relationships with family & friends. “Think before you speak,” should be your new motto moving forward. When you have something to say, consider the following:
Is this the best time for the other person to listen and receive what I have to say?
Is what I want to say even necessary, or am I just looking for someone to hear me ramble?
Proverbs 10:19 says, “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” When talking, you can’t just consider yourself, you have to highly consider the listener and how what you’re saying is being received. This lack of courtesy and respect in communication is how many relationships and marriages have been destroyed. As you move closer towards your future marriage, you would be wise to make this advice one that you’ll never forget.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.” -Proverbs 18:21
Have you ever said something you wish you could take back? Most likely, every human being on earth has said something they wished they never said; because the result of their words either hurt someone else or put them in a very bad situation. The Bible is telling us that we eat what we say, which means our words produce our destiny, whether they are good or bad.
If you keep saying things like, “I don’t think I’ll ever get married,” “There aren’t any good Christian men left,” “It’s getting too late for me to have kids,” “I can’t ever meet anyone I’m interested in,” “I’m not attractive enough for someone to want me.”
Then you’ll get exactly what you say, according to scripture.
So many Christian women wonder why they’re still single and God hasn’t answered their prayers yet; it’s because some women are negating their own prayers by speaking things like this into their lives.
Matthew 9:29 says, “Be it unto you according to your faith.” If you think you’re praying in faith, but your regular self-talk and speech is a lack of faith, then you really don’t have true faith, which also is a form of self-deception.
You want to make sure you speak life and blessings over yourself. Not only outwardly, but in your mind. If the enemy can get a hold of your thought life, he can weaken you, lie to you and even cause you to lie to yourself without realizing it. Guard your heart and your mind.
When you’re in a marital relationship and you have an argument, which is unavoidable, it can be very difficult to hold your tongue. Sometimes it feels impossible! But, you know the truth of what the word says, “death and life are in the power of the tongue.” You can either speak life or death over your relationship. “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,” Luke 6:45. Don’t forget, you can even “think” life or death. Whichever words you choose to speak, you’ll reap those benefits. Start thinking and speaking positive words and blessings over your life and future marriage so you can reap what you sow.
I said, “I will keep watch over my ways so that I do not sin with my tongue; I will keep watch over my mouth with a muzzle…” -Psalms 39:1
Are you mindful of your ways? For example, what causes you to do the things you do and say the things you say? Not everything we do or say as Christians comes from a good place or a pure motive, which is not how we should be.
Not only do we have to be mindful of what we think, what we say, how we say it and when we say it, but we also have to be mindful of our motives. In this scripture, King David said, “I will keep watch over my ways so that I do not sin with my tongue.”
He was self-introspective and knew that if his motives were not right, it would cause his mouth to sin. He was mindful not just of what he was thinking, but why he was thinking it. That’s very important and is something a lot of us are not very keen on in our own lives.
As women, we tend to be much more free with our words and conversations especially when we’re around people we’re comfortable with.
When you’re married, and you’re dealing with various situations with your spouse your motives become very important. You can cooperate with the devil unknowingly and operate with evil, impure motives or you can cooperate with the Holy Spirit and operate with holy, pure motives.
For example, if you had an argument with your spouse and after the argument you want revenge; you now have an evil motive in your heart and the words that come out of your mouth, no matter how sweet and kind they may sound, will be laced with an impure motive. You will have “sinned with your tongue” which the enemy will try to use against you and it could even spark another argument. Your unspoken actions can even be impure. This is why you have to ‘keep watch or take heed to your ways.’
This is something you should begin practicing now as a single woman so when you do get married, you’re able to better understand your ways and control them. Practice with people at work, your friends and family. Pay attention to what you say and understand why you’re saying or thinking it. Is your motive to manipulate, get revenge, solicit information, punish or hurt someone, etc.? The outward appearance would look like you saying things or acting in such a way, where the other person is unable to recognize your true intentions. This is also deception, so be sure to repent and ask God to help you be more self-aware so your “ways” won’t lead you into sin.
“For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to rein in the whole body as well.” -James 3:2
We can feel some relief from this scripture knowing that we will stumble in what we say and we’re not perfect. We strive for perfection, but none of us have reached it yet. Thankfully, God sees us as perfect through Jesus Christ. This scripture above is definitely something we should ponder; Since the tongue is so difficult to control, anyone who could control it perfectly could control himself in all other areas of life as well. Sounds like a challenge!
As previously stated, as Christians we’re striving for perfection so let’s use this scripture as a catalyst to encourage ourselves and exercise greater control over other parts of our lives by taming our tongue. A huge part of taming your tongue is taming your thought life. “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,” Luke 6:45.
If it’s not in your head, it won’t come out of your mouth. This sounds quite simple in theory, but it’s not always that simple in practice. It will take a conscious effort on your part.
Consider your words. Are your words edifying? Are they a blessing? Are they helpful? Are they kind? Are they timely? Or, Is there cursing? Are they mean? Are they full of gossip? Are they hateful? Are they foolish? Are they deceptive?
This area of taming your tongue is not something you should ignore because James 3:6 says, “And the tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness; the tongue is set among our body’s parts as that which defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.”
When you get married, the teaching on taming your tongue doesn’t end there, you’ll discover that you need even more self-control in this area! Before you embark on married life, it will benefit you and your marriage to be more mindful of your tongue and begin putting this teaching into practice!
Now we'd like to hear from you:
Have you had issues with taming your tongue?
Or, do you plan to start being more mindful of your ways?
Let us know by leaving a comment below!
Don't forget to sign up for our newsletter to be informed of more helpful content.
If you enjoyed this article, share it on social media with your friends!
SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel @becomingirresistible.
#christianblogs #christianrelationshipblogs #christiandatingblogs #christianwomenblogs #tamingthetongue #singlechristianwomen #christianmarriageprep #christianmarriagecounseling #christianmarriagecoach #christiandatingcoach #christianpremaritalcounseling #womenofthebible #biblicalwomanhood