Why are you still single? Do you know the answer to this question? Better yet, do you really want to know the answer to this question, even if it hurts or goes against what you previously believed about yourself?
During the time I’ve been ministering to single women about marriage preparation, I’ve had multiple women come against some of the things I’ve taught that would genuinely help them get married. I’ve been told that I was body shaming women, being too judgmental and so on. I’ve learned that many women don’t want to hear the truth about why they’re still single. When women start to voice their negative opinions and attitudes that try to counteract practical, sound advice that would actually help them, I’m amazed and understand exactly why they’re still single.
There are so many women who are older, single and they’re upset, frustrated and even a little bitter about it. Some women are even mad at God! “God I prayed, why didn’t you answer my prayers? I never envisioned myself single past 30 years old, what is going on? Will I ever find someone to love me? Why is this taking so long!?”
I completely understand. I’ve been there, waited, prayed, failed, waited some more and almost gave up at times. You may have thought, “As long as I have Jesus, I don’t need anybody else.” Don’t lie to yourself. If you know deep down you still want to be married, don’t say things like this, you’re not offending God, He already knows what you want. God already said in the beginning, Genesis 2:18 “It’s not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.” Ecclesiastes 4:9 “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor.”
Don’t say things like, “If it happens, it happens,” and in the meantime put no effort into helping yourself meet someone. This is like saying, I want a new job, and if it falls in my lap, great! But if not, it just wasn’t meant to be and then you remain stuck in your current job, miserable or even unemployed, forever. You can’t think and live passive like this when it comes to being married, you need to put yourself out there. There are things you should be doing internally and externally. If you were on the market for a new job, what would you do? To start, you would find out where the jobs are and go there. You would also network with people in your field and get to know them, because somebody might have a job lead for you, etc. Do you see the parallel? If not, watch this video.
"If you’re still single, you always have to look at the common denominator, you."
I know, it’s tough to do this and think you could be the cause of your single status because we all think so highly of ourselves and think the man is the problem as to why you’re not married. While that could be true, you can only worry about yourself right now and just pray for him.
I’m going to be very honest and I don’t want anyone to get offended but the truth has to be said so you can be set free and learn to eradicate what may not be helping you in this single season. In addition, I want you to be honest with yourself.
Some women want a man with an in shape, tone physique, but they put zero or very minimal effort into losing weight, working out and toning up their own body. Some women want a very attractive man, but they won’t lift a finger into fixing up their hair or makeup to a higher level that would garner this same kind of attention. Some women want a man on fire for God, but they haven’t prayed or read their Bible in the past few weeks. Some women want a man who is strong and will stand up for them, but they always want to be in control of everything. Some women want a man who can cook, but they can barely make a few meals that taste good. Some women want a man who is kind to them, but they can be as mean as a snake. Some women want to marry rich, but they’re not putting in any effort into how they can create wealth to pass down to their children. Some women want a man who won’t cheat on them, but they’re full of lust in their heart.
Do you catch my drift? Use this to understand how these scenarios or others could fit your situation.
"You have to become what you want to attract."
When you put more effort into yourself like this, it helps you to not settle for mediocre men that may try to come your way. In turn, you will only attract high quality men because you’ve put the work in yourself to become a higher caliber woman, and a higher caliber man will take notice.
Finally, meet and marry your husband God's way. Marriage preparation and Godly relationship advice for Christian women. Order the book here: Irresistible: The Ultimate Guide to Marriage Preparation.
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