Why is it that good women who’ve set high standards for themselves and what they’re looking for in a husband, end up settling by getting into relationships with the wrong men?
If you’ve ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out, you’ve settled for the wrong man before who was probably less than what you deserved and didn’t meet all of the qualities you were looking for.
No woman plans on settling for a man that doesn’t meet her standards. The goal of course, is to get the right man that God has for you. But, there are 3 primary reasons why a successful, intelligent, Godly woman like yourself can compromise and settle for the wrong man while waiting for the right one to come along.
“If you’ve been single for a while and you’re waiting to get married, you want to put yourself in the best position that won’t allow you to ever compromise your standards and settle again.”
If you want the next guy you give your time and attention to, to actually be your husband, then keep reading.
There are 3 reasons that could cause a woman to settle for a man that’s not good enough for her and it’s time for them to finally be exposed and removed from your life. These reasons can be subtle and self-destructive if they’re left unchecked. They can also cause issues in other areas of your life as well as problems in romantic relationships.
It’s time for women to know what these reasons are, the causes, solutions and the outcomes they can create. Let’s get started.
#1 - Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is a problem that plagues so many women for a variety of reasons. Low self-esteem can manifest in different areas of your life and can even appear occasionally or become triggered by certain people. It can range from the way you think about yourself, your abilities, self worth, how you think you look, comparisons to other women and even jealousy and envy. There are so many women that deal with this issue. Use this scripture to encourage yourself in this area:
“We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” -2 Corinthians 10:12
We need only to compare ourselves to Jesus Christ and anyone else falls short of that standard.
It’s helpful if you can recognize and understand where low self-esteem came from. This type of issue can stem from past relationships or your childhood and can turn into a deep stronghold as you get older, which makes it harder to get rid of or even recognize as an adult.
According to a social psychologist at the University at Buffalo in NY, research into the attitudes and behaviors of married and single couples has found that partners with low self-esteem often sabotage their own relationships. In a sense, they “create” the very situations they fear the most.
This research also warns that low-self esteem may cause a sensitive and insecure individual to read incorrect meaning into ambiguous cues given by their partners. The behavior that follows provokes the very relationship outcomes they want to avoid.
Low Self-Esteem Solution
To get rid of low self-esteem, you have to acknowledge the truth about yourself and if you’re someone who deals with low self-esteem in any area, no matter how bad it is or even if it seems minor or occasional, so you can be set free from this. The bible says you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.
The truth is Jesus Christ, and he has already set you free from everything when you believed in him as your savior, but you should renew your mind to His truth about who and what you are by reading His word, listening to teachings on this subject and believing all the good things that God says about you are true. Speak scriptures out loud over yourself consistently to reprogram your mind from any negative thinking so you can align your mind with the mind of Christ and be set free from this debilitating mindset.
Low Self-Esteem Outcome
You never want to select a man if you have low self-esteem. If you do, your decision will be based on the type of man that you think you can get instead of the type of man you really desire. You may not feel worthy, good enough or pretty enough to attract a handsome man because you’ll think you’re not on his level physically.
Now this handsome man might be an ideal choice, but because of low self-esteem, you could end up settling for a man who’s less attractive and easier to obtain.
You may outshine a less attractive man physically which can make you feel more confident about yourself because he’ll feel grateful to be with you. Beware of this false confidence a man of lower quality can give you because it masks low self-esteem. This is how a woman can settle because the unattractive man elevates her to a status where she doesn’t even elevate herself.
Low self-esteem causes you to act in an unapproachable, unattractive manner. As the saying goes, “you are what you attract.” It can cause you to gradually relax your standards and settle, especially if no one has been paying attention to you. You have to make sure you’re getting what you want in a man because you’ll regret marrying a man who never measured up to your standards, physically, spiritually or otherwise.
#2 - Desperation
Don’t ever wait until you’re desperate to pick a husband. If you’re under 30 years old and you’ve been toying around about the idea of getting married because you’re still young, you need to know that as you get older your choices for a mate start to slowly evaporate. The older you get, the harder it becomes to find someone to marry because your circle of friends and associates changes dramatically.
You’re no longer in school surrounded by young male colleagues and your friends may move to different parts of the country for work, you’ll get deeper into the workforce and it can be hard to find a social group your age, and the years will just roll on by. You’ll start to see that it gets harder to meet someone unless you’re plugged into a strong Christian community, and even then, sometimes your choices may seem limited.
This can be the harsh reality for many Christian women over 30 years old and it can cause a woman to relax her standards and compromise on what she originally wanted in a man just so she can get one. You may have heard the saying, “You should never wait until you’re hungry to eat, because then you’re liable to eat anything,” that’s not the mindset you want to have when selecting a partner for marriage.
Desperation Solution
You deserve more than a man who’s just a Christian, because compatibility, likability, interest, desire and attraction comes in many different “Christian” packages.
"Just because a man is a Christian doesn’t mean you’re compatible."
Be specific with what you want in a man and ask God to provide it. Learn how to pray properly in this area.
Don’t allow thoughts of how old you are to consume you, remember, you serve the author of time. It’s better to wait until later in life to get married than to settle for someone by making the wrong choice and living with the consequences.
Most women don’t recognize when they’re desperate to be in a relationship because this word has a negative connotation and Christian women don’t believe this relates to them. Just because you may not be dating a lot of men and you’re waiting patiently for your future husband to arrive, doesn’t mean you don’t have desperate tendencies in your heart.
Consider what’s consuming your thoughts as you ponder your present, future, life decisions, where you decide to go and why.You could often be thinking, “I wonder if I’ll meet my husband here.” You may have some desperation issues that stems from your past that need to be dealt with spiritually, where you should seek the Lord for deliverance.
Desperation Outcome
Don’t just settle for a man out of desperation to be with someone, ask yourself why you’re making certain decisions. If a man is not what you like or want, leave him alone. If you settle, you’ll have your entire life to regret that mistake.
"You’re better off being single than spending your life in a marriage with someone who isn’t what your heart truly desired."
If you marry the wrong man, then one day see the “ideal mate” you imagined when you were single, this could cause you to become dissatisfied with your husband and invite unnecessary marital problems and other issues.
#3 - Lack of Value
Back in the day, women used to focus on how to become valuable to a man in order to attract a husband. They would take home economics courses, go to etiquette school to hone their role as wife and learn how to act towards their husbands. Back then, women probably felt more confident and expected to marry the exact type of man they wanted; extremely handsome, educated, well established, etc., because they knew they were bringing value to a marriage and not just a pretty face. They knew what it took to be a successful wife and they worked on it, otherwise they never would’ve been chosen.
Today, not so much. The problem with some Christian women’s mentality is they think they can just pray and God will drop their husband from the sky and everything will be perfect with no effort on their part whatsoever. There are many single Christian women today that don’t know the first thing about how to be a good wife or how to attract the best man for them, and unfortunately, some women have no interest in putting in the effort to find out how to prepare for marriage while they’re still single.
Unfortunately, this type of woman will continue to pray, do nothing to better herself that will add value to a man and wonder why she’s still single. You’ll commonly hear Christian women say, “It’s in God’s timing” about when they meet their husbands, and take no personal responsibility for their actions or decisions in the meantime. These women will likely continue to wait.
Lack of Value Solution
You have to understand that there is some effort on your part as a single woman and there are things you should be doing in addition to praying. You already know the bible says faith without works is dead. Most women don’t know what they should be doing, which is understandable and why this blog exists.
Learn how to become compatible with the person you want to be with. Find out what qualities he appreciates in a woman, and adopt some of these qualities for yourself. Learn what he finds attractive and do whatever you can to be attractive to him. Take this as an opportunity to improve yourself and show him that you have value he would appreciate. Don’t give a false impression of who you are, but use this strategy to enhance and improve yourself personally to express your interest in a man so he will take notice of you.
Lack of Value Outcome
If you’re not developing a deeper relationship with God consistently, you’re not a well-rounded, kind or intelligent person to name a few, this is not a good situation for you to stand out and be chosen by an exceptional man of God. There are many more traits a man considers to determine if a woman is valuable to him which is subjective but some traits are universal amongst the Christian community.
Many women misunderstand and think the pursuit is all about them and the man has to do everything and be everything they want. This mentality causes women to neglect themselves because they’ll focus on the man’s performance and in the meantime fail to invest in themselves for improvement so they can make sure they’re the best choice for a good Christian man.
What many women fail to realize is that the man is also looking at you in a similar way, they want you to be everything they want so he can decide if he wants to select you as his wife.
Summary
If you want to avoid settling for just any man no matter what age you are, these 3 issues are very important for you to work on and get rid of, we discussed:
Continue to learn at a deeper level what God’s word says about you, believe and confess it to help you get rid of low self esteem. Avoid negative self-talk either out loud or in your mind and replace it with positive thoughts and words about yourself until you believe it.
Avoid the subtle desperation mentality that can occur if you’re getting older, you don’t want to open yourself up to the wrong men and miss out on the right one God has for you.
Don’t forget to constantly add value to yourself as a human being in every area. Find out what God’s purpose is for your life and start operating in it. Your purpose can be used to attract the attention of your future husband as you’re moving effortlessly in what God has called you to do.
Be strong, patient and willing to wait as long as it takes to get what you want. Your goal is to never settle for any man, ever again.
Now we'd like to hear from you:
Has any of these 3 reasons ever caused you to settle?
Or, which of these 3 solutions were most helpful that you plan to implement?
Let us know by leaving a comment below!
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