How Are You?

How are you? I don’t mean how are you doing today, is everything well with you, etc. I mean how are you, how are your ways? What type of person are you behind closed doors when nobody's looking? How are you treating the people under your own roof if you’re mad and don’t get your way? Or, how do you treat them in your heart from afar?

If you haven’t noticed, I focus on character traits quite often because your character and the way you act determines if you’ll even make it into a courting relationship that leads to marriage or if your marriage will even last. In other words, it’s very important so consider this type of advice like pre-dating 101; the foundation you need before you get into an actual relationship.

I have seen grown adult Christians act like children. It’s the cliché church goer that appears holy and devout in public but is as mean as a snake to those closest to her when it’s convenient because she knows she can get away with it. You may have seen hints of these character traits in your church community before. The behavior may manifest in women with a quick snide, rude remark or attitude that seems to come out of nowhere and then they’re back to their “praise the Lord” behavior. These are most likely those women.

The holy roller, pharisaical spirit that often cooperates with the devil when it’s convenient for them. I’m not exaggerating when I say this, spiritually this is usually what is going on with these types of women. Cooperating with the devil and allowing him to have an inroad into your life, usually based on your emotional state at the moment is a real thing. When people act in any way that is not Christlike, they are oftentimes cooperating with the devil and his ways.

Don’t be this woman. Why? If you’re this type of woman now when it’s convenient for you, guess what type of woman you’ll be in a relationship and in a marriage? The same. Men don’t deal with certain things and this is one trait they’re not going to deal with long term. You might be able to hide it during the dating/courting period, but when you get married, everything is laid bare.

There are many women that are like this today, wondering why they’re still single or divorced. This could be one of the reasons. If you don’t have the fruit of the spirit of self-control in any and every situation even when anger and emotions are high, there will be problems.

God knows when you’re ready for marriage and He is not going to allow you to wreak havoc in one of His sons’ lives because of your uncontrollable temper, attitude or mean streak that you allow to rear its ugly head whenever you’re ready.

These types of things have to be said in the Christian community today. There is an epidemic of Christian divorces and marriage infidelity and all the women are looking at the men wondering, why? It’s not always the men ladies, sometimes the truth hurts but it will set you free. Believe it or not, some men are being abused by their wives. It might not be physical but it could very well be emotional trauma or turmoil that he cannot escape because she cannot or will not get a hold of her attitude and her mouth. She allows herself to cooperate with the devil either knowingly or unknowingly and wreaks havoc in his life in all kinds of crafty ways.

My goal is not only to provide advice to help you meet your future husband, get into a courting relationship and navigate it with godliness but I want you to actually get married, have a happy marriage and never get divorced or separated. As a woman, you yield so much more power in your relationship than you could ever imagine based on the way you act alone. You could look like a model but if your attitude and temperament is off, every man will run as far away from you as possible. There is a reason the bible says,

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.“

-Proverbs 21:9

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”

-Proverbs 21:19

In other words, what the scripture is saying is if you act like this, your husband won’t be living with you any longer; it’s better for him this way.

I’ll say it again, don’t be this woman. If you have any of these traits now or even if you’re unaware that you have these traits because you live alone, PRAY. Ask the Lord to fill you with the Holy Spirit and show you ways about yourself that are not like Him so you can act better and make it your priority to change as quickly as possible! In most cases, marriage brings out things in you that you didn’t know you had, which is why I’m telling you this in advance.

Marriage brings out the best and worst of you, and this may surprise many women because it can be a side of themselves they’ve never seen before or paid little attention to. Anything slightly negative about your personality, character, etc. no matter how minuscule it is now, these types of things get magnified in a marriage in ways you wouldn’t believe.

So, how are you? Your single years are the time to understand and learn yourself on a deeper level. Many women don’t do this, but you should pay attention to yourself from the pit of your soul, your heart, conscious and subconscious thoughts, what triggers you, etc. Focus on you and practice self-control no matter what happens, because when you get married, you’ll need it like never before.

“Let us examine and probe our ways…”

-Lamentations 3:40

“A person’s character is shown through their actions in life, not where they sit on Sunday.”

-Unknown

“If someone shows you “two sides” to their personality; what you’re really seeing is one side and a lie.”

-The Christian Psychiatrist

Finally, meet and marry your husband God's way. Marriage preparation and Godly relationship advice for Christian women. Order the book here: Irresistible: The Ultimate Guide to Marriage Preparation.

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